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Whenever I lock a car up I always press the button twice in a row to let all nearby thieves know that I mean business.
"The Ugly Duckling" has a great message. Everything in life will work itself out once you become physically attractive.
I have one question about Insanity, "Are we there yet"?
Shopping at the Dollar Tree makes me feel rich and poor at the same time
Has anybody tried unplugging Congress and then plugging it back in?
One of my favorite discoveries about adulthood is that there are literally no rules stopping you from eating an entire row of Oreos at once.
One thing I think the world can agree upon… Any day when you can stay in pajamas the whole time is a good day.
If you haven`t used your fingers to "expand" a picture in a Magazine today, well then you`re not me.
Hope you don`t mind if I make transformer sound effects when we switch positions.
If you ever come over unannounced, it`ll take me at least three minutes to answer the door because there is no way I was already wearing pants.
Even atheists make bargains with God when the toilet water threatens to overflow at a friend`s house.
A tattoo doesn’t tell you very much about a person, but where they put the tattoo does.
Do you think the dude that invented the breathalyzer has any friends left?
I hate when a website has a picture that you can click and enlarge. Then the "enlarged picture" is the same exact size as the thumbnail!
I’m on a forgotten-name basis with quite a lot of people.