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If gas prices keep going up I`m cutting off the bottom of my car and I`m "Flintstoning" That mf!
I hate it when I buy organic veggies but when I get them home I find out they are regular frosted donuts...
Going back to work after 12 days off is the best way to realize I should have married for money.
You never really know a woman, until she takes you to court.
If I were a cashier I`d pretend people were waiting in line to kiss me.
The only thing worse than having a song stuck in your head for an entire day is not knowing the name of the song.
I havend`t heard from DAEMON MAILER in years, I hope he`s okay.
is having one of those days where they feels like lighting someones face on fire and then trying to put it out with a fork
If I dont clean my house soon. They are gonna bring in blindfolded people to do a Febreze commercial
This is not meant for you. Look away. STOP LOOKING AT IT! :)
Some people lack the ability to laugh at themselves ...That`s where I come in...
I may not be the smartest guy in the world, or the richest guy in the world, or the best looking guy in the world, but.... Oh, hell. Now I`m depressed.
The early bird gets the worm. But the second mouse gets the cheese.
DO NOT expect a "Bless You" after your 3rd sneeze. Get that sh!t under control.
All through school I assumed they saved the number 1 pencils for the smart kids