Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
What´s the difference between light and hard? You can go to bed with a light on.
A Lion would never cheat on his wife.. but a Tiger wood.
How do I tell my boss I don`t want to do work anymore but still want money.
Girls say they want a guy who is funny and spontaneous but when I tap on the window at night dressed as a clown it’s all panic and screaming.
when i have children im going to make them watch 2012 and tell them i survived all of that.
My wife said I can definitely have a man cave, if that`s what I want to start calling the hall closet.
Guys are like bears, if you lay very still they’ll paw at you a bit then give up and go look for food.
Don`t you just a hate it when you stumble into bed drunk only to be nagged by someone screaming "Get out" or "You live next door!"
I got passed by a Prius on the Interstate and now I’m legally required to pee sitting down.
If you read the instructions carefully, the first step to making any microwavable lunch is to throw away the box and dig it out of the trash.
I think I`m the drunkest person at this bed bath and beyond.
I just changed my relationship status from “left hand” to “right hand”…
Getting old sucks. I use to wake up feeling like a million bucks. Now I feel more like a bounced check.
The only time that my wife screams my name in bed is when I fart in my sleep.
I`m broker than the Tooth Fairy in a house full of Meth addicts.