Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I like to dump Skittles in the toilet and then flush it because it looks like a little tiny NASCAR race.
Instead of exes, they should be called whys.
Not sure if my dog is barking for no reason or I’m about to be murdered.
A gentle reminder about Daylight Savings Time: If you thought last Monday sucked, this one will prove to be much, much worse.
Mary, mary quit contrary, watched their garden thrive. The cops found seed of a very odd weed; Now they`s doing three to five.
I have no interest in skydiving. I get enough of an adrenaline rush hoping my credit card goes through
Got bored today so I dressed up in tan pants and a blue shirt then went into Best Buy and quit.
Hmmm… Who should I stalk on Facebook now? :)
Dear Santa: I have been good for the past week or so. Lets just focus on that.
That mind-blowing moment when you realize chores were really the crap your parents didn’t want to do.
When I was young I was scared of the dark. Now when I see my electricity bill I am scared of the lights.
I`m going to start a band called "Free Beer" because when people see a sign that says "Free Beer Tomorrow at 9PM" everyone is going to be there.
Pretty sure airport food was priced by children just learning about numbers. "Ok Brian, how much should this apple cost?" SIXTY TWO DOLLARS!!
Make librarians cry by calling it a Book Museum while taking pictures with your iPad.
Don’t judge me because I only have $4 in my pocket. Judge me because I stole it off my daughter’s night stand.