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Girls who say "alot of guys are after me" should keep in mind that cheap things always attract many customers.
A lot of people don`t realise that Shania Twain`s father, Mark, was actually a pretty good writer.
if there wasn´t a last minute I´d never get anything done.
Sometimes I pretend to be normal. But it gets boring ... so I go back to being me. ;)
I really shouldn`t have driven home from the bar last night. Especially since I walked there.
Just saw Abe Lincoln Vampire Hunter... So that`s how it happened! I knew what I learned in history class was a bunch of crap!
When a cop asks you, "Do you know why I pulled you over?" It is never a good idea to respond, "Because my tires look like donuts?"
The only thing us men clean at home is our browser history
Sometimes I add things to my to-do list that I’ve already done just so I can immediately cross them off.
Bored? Simply send a text message to a random number saying..."I`m Pregnant!"
I used to be poor. Then I bought a dictionary, and now I`m impecunious.
I entered what I ate for lunch into my calorie counting app and it uninstalled itself.
I thought there was a spider on the rug but it was just yarn.....it`s dead yarn now, though.
Did you hear about the homeless guy that tried selling me meth?.... Yeah it was Bumcrack.
What I’m really looking for in a friend is loyalty. And a pool. Mainly just a pool.