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Mowed the lawn yesterday with my shirt off and this morning there were 50 shirts left on my porch with a sign that said, "Please wear."
great day! laundry done, dishes and house cleaned.... who am I kidding? been drinking since 9 am!!
If you watched a person cut a piece of wood, would that be sawed or seen?
Ah Friday...my second favorite "F" word!
I wonder if clouds ever look down on us and say "Hey look. That one is shaped like an idiot
I think I have a serious problem---Today I was reading the newspaper and found myself looking for the "Like" button.
If you`re able to roll over in your grave, you should save that energy for yelling and digging.
I can`t decide what`s more embarrassing - the fact that I still live out of a suitcase, or that I`m a professional ventriloquist dummy.
I received an email from a hacker that had accessed my bank account. It simply read, "LOL".
so apparently there is no such thing as a St Patrick`s Santa and I`m not sure whose lap I just sat on at the mall.
When the girl working the counter says "would you like fries with that?" say.."are you calling me fat??" then burst into tears. Free meal.
Fish who are caught and released are like the aquatic equivalent of people who claim to have been abducted by aliens.
I painted a banner for our annual family picnic, but my Mom thought "Celebrating 100 Years of Undiagnosed Mental Illness" was inappropriate.
“My phone’s about to die.” is what I say 30 seconds into every phone call. Just in case!
I think I may be getting harder to love.