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Does this green St Patrick`s Day beer count as a vegetable.
Here`s $30. Drink until I am really good looking, then come and talk to me.
My poor neighbour suffered a stroke today...I must remember to close the blinds before getting naked.
Picked up a hitchhiker last night. He said thanks how do you know I’m not a serial killer? I replied the chances of two serial killer’s being in the same car are astronomical.
Is it weird to get naked during a massage? At what point can I ask the masseuse to put his pants back on?
Nothing changes a Facebook relationship status faster than a weekend full of tagged photos!
Last year I won a $50 gift card to Chili`s at a Christmas raffle. ...... This year I`ve decided my Secret Santa gift is going to be a $14.37 gift card to Chili`s.
Amnesia sounds so relaxing.
Deep down I don`t believe that paper beats rock.
I`m at the facebook saloon, drinking all night long
All my passwords are protected by amnesia.
What if Spider Man has to stop a crime in the countryside
If stress burned calories, I’d be a super model.
I love the smell of a liquor store in the morning!
I noticed you’re not yourself today. I really like it.