Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Detective: “The victim musta had company. There’s 2 dirty plates in the sink.” If I ever get murdered they’ll think I had 16 people over.
It`s a little disappointing when you`re watching a school basket ball game & no one turns into a werewolf.
I drank an energy drink so if anyone needs help packing, pushing your car to a gas station or shaking the leaves off a tree
...you ever ponder why that page was intentionally left blank?
FUN THING TO WRITE ON A POST CARD: “Weather is great, having tons of fun! Are you still planning to murder your mailman?”
That disappointing moment when you pull up to work and it`s not fully engulfed in fire.
Just as I predicted, today was in fact a new day!
Here hold my dignity, I`ve got some sketchy shit to do.
What supermarket did the pilgrims visit to purchase their canned gelatin cranberry sauce? I want my Thanksgiving to be authentic.
Are there actually people who get out of the shower to pee? I want to meet them.
All through school I assumed they saved the number 1 pencils for the smart kids
My local news station says it gives us " news when it breaks " ...I want unbroken news!!
I thought there was a spider on the rug but it was just yarn.....it`s dead yarn now, though.
Honking your horn is fun but rolling down your window and screaming “honk” at people is just way more satisfying.
You can’t please everyone, so you might as well just concentrate on me.