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If you`ve never played Tetris, you`re probably useless at loading a dishwasher
I may not have great parenting skills, but in my defense the kids don`t have great childing skills either.
All I`m saying is, I`ve never seen my ex and Satan in the same room together.
You know you are paranoid when you think this joke is about you.
The Easter Bunny doesn`t always drink, but when he does I bet it`s hopscotch.
Psychology — Even trying to spell it correctly screws with your head.
I don`t understand why people have to "get ready" for bed....I`m always ready for bed.
When people tell me that I’ve changed, I want to shake them and tell them: “And so should you!”
People are so predictable..I bet you`re even reading this status right now.
I just had a call from a Charity asking me to donate some of my clothes to the starving people throughout the world. I told them to F off!! Anybody who fits into my clothes isn`t starving!!
The name CONstitution sounds so negative. Since `pro` is the opposite of `con` we should call it prosti..... oh wait.
On the 14th of December I`m going to call people and say "7 Days" then hang up...
80% of my life is pulling percentages out of thin air and stating them as facts...
Nobody looks back at their life and remembers the nights they got plenty of sleep.
My rabbit died yesterday… Now he’s just some bunny that I used to know…