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You feel naked without your phone, I feel naked without my clothes.
The women at this gym act like nobody’s ever tried taking their measurements before.
I do all my own stunts, but never intentionally.
A person who is bad at math should never take a calculated risk.
A bee will knowingly risk its own life just to cause you a little pain. I can totally relate to that feeling.
At least men and women agree on one thing, they both don’t trust women.
I prefer my kale with a silent "K"
Just bought a Ken doll. I don`t know what everyone`s talking about, you can`t read books on this thing.
The Swiss must`ve been pretty confident in their chances of victory if they included a corkscrew in their army knife.
Poetry would be a lot harder if violets were orange.
Some people say a true friend stabs you in the front. I’m gonna go ahead and say a true friend just puts the knife down.
Today, I did it hard, I did it loud, it was wet, and I did it four times in a row. I wish I wasn’t talking about sneezing.
People at work tell me I have a lot of patience. Fact is… there are just way too many witnesses around
Dude, I see you are enjoying a cold Bud Light Lime-a-Rita .... I`m going to assume that`s your smart car parked outside.
Well another funny thing about this status is, by the time your done reading this, you realize it talks about absolutely nothing and you just wasted your time. Welcome to Facebook.