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Sometimes I meow back at cats.
I`m an animal in bed. More specifically a koala. I can sleep for 22 hours a day.
Which emoticon indicates the desire to cover someone with fire ants?
Can we just call it Zealand now? How long has it been? Move on people.
If we start calling it `potato juice`, Vodka becomes a health drink. RIGHT?
I`ve made up my mind, I`m not giving up anything for Lent, I`m no quitter...
Be careful on how tough you are on your kids....Strict parents create sneaky children.
Have you ever been cutting a piece of pager with scissors and worried that you might cut an atom in half and destroy the world?
I was enjoying our conversation. Until you started talking....
80% of my status updates are BS, 15% are bologna and 5% are 100% straight from the heart.
I just heard someone say "I can`t wait for 13/13/13" .....let`s take a moment and pray for this dumbass
Women with big breasts... ...can get a taxi on the worst days ...have a neat place to carry spare change ...have always been the center of the arts (art) ...make jogging a spectator sport ...can keep a magazine dry while laying in the tub ...have more negotiating power (with men shorter than them) ...usually can find leftover popcorn after a movie ...can always carry a little extra ...always float better ...know where to look first for lost earrings ...rarely lack for a slow dance partner ...hav
A morning text from me doesn`t mean "good morning". It means "I`m having very dirty thoughts about you right now".
They say 15 minutes of exercise every day will add 3 years to your life. The problem is that it adds the 3 years to your 80s not your 30s.
Hand sanitizer: the cut finder.