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Giving my wife a bikini wax for the first time. Should I wake her up or just let it be a surprise?
Based on the sound of her walking.. My upstairs neighbor seems like the kind of woman that starts sentences with; "Fee-Fi-Fo-Fum.".. O_o
I will be posting telepathically today. So if you think of something funny, that was me.
Sometimes I pretend to be normal. But it gets boring ... so I go back to being me. ;)
Based on the condition of my hair in the morning, I`d say there`s a 100% chance my hair has more fun than I do when I sleep.
Yes we`re friends on facebook but that`s where it ends, stop trying to talk to me in real life... mom
Isn`t it strange that bankruptcy attorneys don`t let you make payments....
My only argument with using the treadmill, is that I can`t run away from my farts.
I do my best proofreading after I hit `send`.
If money cant buy happiness,explain beer!
My bucket list: 4 drumsticks, 2 thighs, 2 mashed potatoes with gravy, and 2 biscuits. Extra crispy.
The number of red lights you will hit while driving are directly proportional to how bad you have to pee.
Some of the best memories I have are of times right before the cops showed up.
My last thought in life will probably be ” I wonder what happens if I touch this?”
I wanna be rich enough to have 11 little people who run out of my closet every morning dressed as a nascar pit crew to make my bed really fast.