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I plan on getting "sidewalk nap" drunk tonight.
Forget the hero part, I just like the fact that Batman punches clowns.
I smoked weed once and realized spoons are just little bowls on sticks
Watching game shows is like watching porn, you get excited watching someone else get lucky
Offering a homeless dude $5 from across the street is my version of Frogger.
Relax, you’re not paranoid at all. Everyone is talking about you.
I just want a reason to dramatically slide across the hood of a car.
You can`t always control who walks in to your life but you can control which window to throw them out.
I can`t wait for Taylor Swift to break up with a black guy, so she can write a rap album!
Calling all men...Eboli can live up to two months in semen..YES! You better wash your socks.
Every so often, I try to fornicate a large word into conversation, even if I’m not sure what it means
I hope this snowstorm doesn`t impact my schedule of aimlessly wasting my day online.....
I can`t relate to people who "forget to eat"
The one thing you can always count on is your fingers.
It kinda makes sense that the target audience for fidget spinners lost interest in them so quickly