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Just dropped part of a cookie into my printer, so I hit "copy"
Geez. I make one little mistake and my pharmacist now adds "by mouth" on the prescription label.
I`ve disappointed a lot of people in my life, you`re not special.
I think its nice my vacuum cleaner has head lights. Just in case I wanna wake up in the middle of the night and clean in the dark, or wake up my dog making him think he’s getting hit by a
If you can read this please let me know – because it means I blocked the wrong person.
As a kid, my parents told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out, this is called “Identity Theft”.
I didn`t get drunk enough last night, I can still remember working.
I don’t use Siri because I have to deal with enough women who have no personality and know everything.
Nothing stops a yawn faster than a dog trying to lick inside your mouth.
People who walk in front of the theatre screen while you`re watching a pirated movie on your computer are so rude.
Happy Fathers Day from your handsomerist and smarterist son
New marital Status update : Taken, but only for GRANTED
Isn’t it funny how people that talk too much also have annoying voices?
I wonder how the Never-ending story is doing.
Whenever a wrong number calls me and hangs up I always call em back and tell them it was their loss because I`m really fun to talk to.