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in 2014 there were times when I annoyed you, disturbed you, irritated you and bugged the hell out of you. Today i wanna let you know that i planned to continue with it this year :-)
I just don`t want to look back and think "I could`ve eaten that"
Tuna are probably pretty annoyed with how much we worry about catching dolphins in our tuna nets.
At work hitting the escape key...... Nothing is happening, im still here.
Me at age 5 "I wish I had a $1" Me at age 10 "I wish I had $100" Me at age 17 "I wish I had $1,000,000" Me at age 26 "I wish I had $1"
If I could keep it short, my life would be so much simpler.
Facebook made billions by saying “Hey, remember that kid you haven’t seen since the third grade? He’s a parent who hates Obama now.”
Dear penis, thanks for not bleeding once a month. Sincerely, every man ever.
I got so drunk last night I tried picking up every woman in the bar and now my back is killing me!
Tomorrow I`m going to start using big words to sound smart....Sorry, I meant utilizing gargantuan idioms to simulate intelligence
I have some jokes about unemployment but they need some work.
I’m not positive that having the TV volume on an odd number will destroy the world, but lets not risk it.
My goal today is to turn actions into thoughts.
Safety Tip: lock your doors and windows before bed. Btw, I love what you`ve done with the place.
For our next trick, we should hack into North Korea`s TV system and put Jersey Shore on repeat...