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I keep myself in just good enough shape to outrun most women and small children during emergencies.. :|
At this point I`m guessing the North only won the Civil War because the South got half an inch of snow and they completely lost their minds
There is something so unique about me, that even I can`t figure it out...
I have my own version of Whole Foods, where I eat the Whole Pizza, Whole Box of Donuts, Whole Bag of Chips...
One day you will die, but every other day you won’t. So that’s pretty great, right? ... Inspirational posts are hard.
I`m concerned my kids will end up in therapy because I didn`t tell everyone on FB how much I love them.
I`m an accident looking for a place to happen!
"Dora" only rhymes with "Explorer" if you`re from Long Island, New York
My "To Do" list today only had one entry: "Nothing". And it took me all day to finish it!
I never let anyone see me eat junk food. Not because I`m afraid they will judge me. I just don`t want to share.
What if your soulmate is over there on Twitter while you`re here on Facebook?
Remembering to remember is always the first thing I forget.
My school always awarded dictionaries to the spelling bee winners. Which was weird because it should actually be awarded to the losers.
Stop undressing me with your eyes!...Use your teeth!
I always write `wake up` on my to-do-list so I can at least accomplish one thing a day