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May you never be as bored as whoever figured out that holding a seashell to your ear sounds like the ocean
I found $80 in my jeans. The kid in me says "Buy Nerf guns and candy", but the adult in me says "Buy vodka, Nerf guns and candy".
Why do men fart more than women? Because women can`t shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
It`s unfortunate that most people will never run out of things to say.
Commence six months of the clock in my car being wrong.
Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to .... unless your in prison!!!
Even if I were taking a dump on the moon someone would walk in and sit down in the stall next to me.
Ladies, if you want men to look at your face and not your chest, eat a banana.
what is the first thing a homeless person does when he`s on a computer? he searches through the recycle bin
Ha, SUCKA`S! I just smuggled a bag of popcorn into the movie theater. Now I just need to borrow their microwave.
"My place is a mess" - Every girl, ever.... "Well in that case, I`m not coming in" - No guy, ever
All i wanna know is how this website knew my name is Guest?
Next time some one does something REALLY stupid, just smack them and say, "Man, did you see the size of that bug?"
If time does not wait for you, don’t worry. Just remove the battery from the clock and enjoy life.
Welcome to Plastic Surgery Addicts Anonymous. I see a lot of new faces in the room this week and I`m very disappointed with all of you.