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I find you`re total lack of ambition is inspiring.
Does the Food Network deliver?
"I love Justin bieber" well I love McDonalds but you don`t see me making an account pretending to be a f*cking chicken nugget do you...
Lazy Fact #69302246777573 - You were too lazy to read that number.
Know the rules well so you can break them effectively.
I hate mixed messages. They`re great.
Baby gates are parents` way of saying "this area is locked until you’ve gained more experience."
Too bad the little guy "Tattoo" from Fantasy Island isn`t around anymore. They could ask HIM where the plane is!
If I haven`t offended you, just scroll thru my timeline. It`s in there.
Lately, my furnace has run so much I nicknamed it "Forest".
Why is it that everyone hears the car alarm for a good 5 minutes before the owner does?
This guy at the gym just did four sets of selfies.
My wife is great at multitasking. She can be mad at me for five different things at the same time.
If you have a problem with me please write it nicely on a piece of paper, put it in an envelope, fold it and shove it up your a$$.
This bottle of beer is not only delicious,,,, It also contains almost 10% of my daily requirement of beer...