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When they say: "Wow, you`re really photogenic." What they mean: "Wow, this looks nothing like how ugly you actually are."
They should have cell phone chargers in waiting rooms instead of magazines.
We can`t cure cancer, diabetes or PMS, but we have 10 different pills to make a mans happy place bigger.
I wish there was an observation deck at WalMart.
I wish "it`s the thought that counts" worked for housework.
The dentist told me I need to be more aggressive when I floss so I`ve decided to start growling.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said bet you can`t hit me with a quarter!
Whenever I see a really hot girl with an ugly guy, I think "lottery winner".
Girls with tattoos on your tits, Why? We`re already looking at them.
I don`t know about you....but I have thought about running away from home way more as an adult than I ever did as a kid.
So if a dentist makes money off people with unhealthy teeth, why should we trust a toothbrush that 4 out of 5 dentists recommend?
When someone calls you a bitch just say a bitch is a dog, a dog barks, bark is on trees, trees are nature and nature is beautiful. thanks for the compliment ;)
Really offended that these microwave instructions told me to turn my burrito over gently like I don`t treat every burrito with the utmost respect
I want my children to have all the things I never had so then I can move in with them.
Me and my recliner...we go way back.