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In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then, neither God or man has rested.
Scott Baio is not a part of the Presidential transition team. I’m really disappointed that Charles is not in Charge of anything.
Somebody has to be awesome…might as well be me.
They should put Prince on the $20 bill and call it $19.99... It`s "The bill formerly known as a twenty."
Adding "just sayin" to a smart-a$$ed comment makes you even more of an a$$hole. Just sayin
I hate when I’m comfortable in bed and I forget my iPhone in the other room!
I just ended a 5 year relationship. Luckily it wasn`t mine.
I saw a girl being irresponsible texting while driving and it really ticked me off.....So I rolled down my window and threw my beer at her.
I`m at my best mathematically when I wake up before the time my alarm is set for
I wonder if there are birds that prefer not to sing in the morning and that just roll around in their nests until noon.
2011: Come at me bro! 1800`s: Advance towards me brethren!
I`m bored, I think I`ll ask my boyfriend if I look fat. - women
My home security system is just 15 motion-activated Big Mouth Billy Basses.
just realised MR OWL ATE MY METAL WORM is exactly the same backwards
My ex was an absolute treasure and by treasure I mean you`ll need a shovel and map to find him.