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Everybody says waking up at 5 in the morning to exercise makes you feel great but I think lying in bed for another 2 hours feels better.
You know you are old when people keep telling you how young you look.
Boys are like roses, watch out for the pr!cks...
There`s no b, c, d, f, g, h, j, k, l, n, o, p, q, r, s, u, v, w, x, y, or z in team either.
Getting over body issues is a like getting over a fear of heights. The trick is not to look down.
If a girl texts you and asks if you think she`s fat and you try to respond "Nooo" autocorrect changes it to "Moo" so that`s pretty cool.
The key to successful relationships is not to start any.
Sure you can try and tell me what to do. Or you can keep your teeth.
If life is unfair to everyone, doesn’t that make life fair?
What if I am sexy and I don`t know it?
Found out the name of my neighbor`s cat. In other news, I now have free internet.
Thanks for accepting my friend request on Facebook, even though is was solely so I could gain full access to your profile and judge your life choices.
I`m not saying Goldilocks was a piece of sh!t, but she broke into someone`s house and just started eating their breakfast.
They say I have a drinking problem. I say they have a problem with nudity.
I am sorry I wasn`t being completely honest when I said I was normal.