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Does the Food Network deliver?
The only time I want to hear about your baby is when you tell me it ain`t mine.
All I`m saying is if guys were meant to make them, they`d be call sandWIZARDS.
If abortion is murder then are condoms kidnapping?
Fellas; There’s no heterosexual way of taking a selfie.
Picking and choosing who to say happy birthday to since 2006, thanks Facebook!
When googling something, I always use Caps Lock so that the people from Google know it`s urgent.
When I drink alcohol.. everyone says I`m an alcoholic. But.. When I drink Fanta.. no one says I`m fantastic.
You have to hand it to Subway for convincing us it`s acceptable to eat an entire loaf of bread for lunch.
Apparently, when asked "In the event of a fire, what steps would you take?" "F**kin` large ones" is not the correct answer.
Tip to get out of jury duty: Begin every answer with "According to the prophecy."
I wish I was as fat as the first time I thought I was fat.
You know you`re a bad driver when Siri tells you "after 400 feet stop and let me out"
All i ever see on facebook is LBR, TBH, LMS, and all that other crap...
"That girl is totally checking you out" said vodka. -Bfanch