Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I don`t go to bars anymore, but I miss some things about it. So sometimes I wait outside my bathroom for 15 minutes when I`m dying to pee.
keeps getting dirty voicemails from unknown numbers. If it`s you.. Send more
The secret to success is in my bra.
I just wanted to say thank you to all the people that have given me a reason to drink this Friday night.
Life before the computer: Memory was something that you lost with age. An application was for employment. A program was a TV show. A cursor used profanity. A keyboard was a piano. A web was a spider’s home. A virus was the flu. A CD was a bank account. A hard drive was a long trip on the road. A mouse pad was where a mouse lived. And if you had a 3 1/2 inch floppy…you just hoped nobody found out.
When wearing a logo or clever t-shirt, make sure your rack looks good. No one likes reading stuff on a lumpy, wavy surface. You too, ladies.
Somebody told me I`m horrible with names.
If I haven’t embarrassed myself in front of you… don’t worry, it’ll happen.
Me, on phone to credit card company: What if you just break my kneecaps and we call it even?
Nothing makes me more productive than the last minute.
A lifetime of fire drills has prepared me to completely ignore the alarm during a real fire.
why we do not have a romance class...............
You can not force anyone to love you ... The best you can do is stalk them and hope they give in :)
I’ve yet to be intimidated by a fancy wine list thanks to my vast knowledge of fine wines and my eeny, meeny, miny, moe system.
My husband told me he needed more space ... So I locked him outside.