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I think the only way I’ll ever be motivated to go to the gym is if I’m in prison.
It’s silly how we spend money on clothes when naked is free.
Why I don’t like people: 1% logical reasons. 99% just because.
I read an actual newspaper today! For those of you who don`t understand, a newspaper is like the Internet but made of paper.
Why do cops ask us why we think they pulled us over? It`s their job. I dont go to the station and ask why they think I created a powerpoint.
When I`m sad, I sing...Then I realise my voice is worse than my problems.
I choked on a carrot this afternoon and all I could think was "I bet a cupcake wouldn`t have done this to me."
We can only blame ourselves for all the crime and violence today, we removed all the phone booths and now Superman has nowhere to change...
I`ve never been skydiving, but I`ve zoomed in on Google Earth really, really fast.
Smile, it´s the second best thing you can do with your lips.
Would you like to save money on your car insurance? Walk ... Just sayin
People who get offended on the internet are the same people who take mini golf seriously.
"You blew a tranny" means something completely different to an auto mechanic.
Anything is legal when there`s no police around
When someone hands you a flyer, it’s like they’re saying here you throw this away.