Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
It`s like nobody ever considers the consequences of getting to know me.
In relationships, it’s important to pay attention to the person’s likes and dislikes. My parole officer, for example, hates to be tickled.
Unless its inappropriately, don`t f*cking touch me.
When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn`t hire stupid people.
Me: Dad, going to the 50cents concert. Dad: Here`s a dollar, take your sister with you.
Not sure what to do with all the daylight we are saving.
Why can`t everyday be football Sunday?
Relationship status: sleeping in my bed diagonally.
People are way less judgmental when you say you had an "avocado salad" instead of saying you ate a bowl of guacamole.
I love updating my Facebook status while crossing the stre
I don’t make mistakes too often, but when I do it’s your fault.
I miss the good old days..when you could slam the phone down.!!
When I see a girl with a lot of makeup, I want to use my finger and write WASH ME on her face…
You`re beautiful until your Photoshop 30 day trial has gone.
How about this for lazy: I`m letting the NSA take all my selfies for me.