Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The doctor told me I need more greens in my diet. So I have switched to mint Oreos.
Sometimes I stand in the shower for 10 minutes before I remember what I`m supposed to be doing. So, yes your secrets are safe with me.
I wonder if one day somebody will knock on my door and say to me, “Hey ,we have 7 mutual friends in Facebook; may I come in?"
Basically the way it works is I tell myself I`m not going to eat too much and then I eat too much.
I`ll bet other dogs must think that poodles belong to some weird religious cult.
I hate mixed messages. They`re great.
Someone said to me earlier, "Your face looks very familiar". I said, "I know, I`ve had it a long time."
SPOILER ALERT for "Finding Bigfoot" TV show - they don`t find him. Again.
WOW! This gym thing is a lot harder than it looked on Instagram.
Dont judge a person by the color of their skin or by the content of their character but by the shape of their eyebrows
You trust me holding your child? Do you know how many iPhone screens I’ve cracked?
Bulimia: Twice the taste. Zero Calories.
They ordered two extra large pizzas at work. I wonder what everyone else is going to eat.
Porn teaches kids an unhealthy and unrealistic idea of how quickly a plumber will come to your house.
Vodka mixes well with everything, except decisions.