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How come know-it-alls, don`t know how annoying they are?
I`m a really nice guy before you get to know me.
World Cup Soccer? If I wanted to watch someone struggle to score for 90 minutes, I`d go watch some of my single friends at the bar.
If only life was as easy as getting fat.
Talking to you makes me invent new swear words.
Admit it...Life yould be boring without me.
I just sprayed Citrus Fabreeze in my bathroom... Now it smells like Sh*trus
There are people in life you could NEVER get tired of hitting with a shovel!!!
Always remember, it`s better to arrive late than to arrive ugly.
I have a fear of speed bumps, but I`m slowly getting over it.
I get so excited when Facebook tells me there are hot singles in my city who want to meet me. Maybe they want to babysit!
Experience is what you get, when you don`t get what you want
I should go to sleep but the Internet needs me.
I just wanted to send you a quick note letting you know that you`re in my inappropriate thoughts.
That weirdo that comes into bars and tries to sell roses would make a lot more money if he sold tacos.