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If I don`t make at least one person scream, "WTF" then my day is not done yet.
Roses are red, violets are blue. I have 5 fingers, the middle one is for you.
Besides creating dinosaurs are mosquitos good for anything?
Arguing with a woman is like buying a lottery ticket, you`re proably not gonna win, but you`re sure as hell gonna try!
I wish I would of asked if she believed in sex after marriage
Me: You`ve dimmed the lights already, aren`t we forward? * smiles suggestively * Optometrist: Just read the letters on the screen.
Why would anybody put 99 bottles of beer up on a wall in the first place?
Please, if I ever offend you, it’s because I meant to.
You guys, how can true love still exist if we don`t have mixed tapes anymore?
Helpful Tip: Dont laugh when the cop says penal system ... oh and I need bail money again.
I love a woman in uniform. I mean naked.
If you read the instructions carefully, the first step to making any microwavable lunch is to throw away the box and dig it out of the trash.
wants to rock and roll all night
Am I the only one who closes the silverware drawer with an epic pelvic thrust?
You call it Sushi, I call it bait.