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I bet Waldo’s parents are worried sick.
I’m sorry I’m late. I saw a drawing of the sun wearing sunglasses and spent 4 hours wondering what the f**k he was protecting his eyes from.
If you see me drinking coffee from a to-go cup in public after 3 pm, that coffee is booze in disguise.
My doctor said he`s been practicing for 30 years. When will he start doing his job for real?
No matter how old you are ... swingsets are cool.
Girl: I am not having having s@x with guys at the moment. Boy:I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue
says if you don`t like the way I live my life, than there is some good news... you aren`t me!!
Don´t call me crazy. I much prefer the term "mentally hilarious"
I love my six pack so much, I protect it with a layer of fat.
I`m a firm believer that if something takes 10 minutes to cook on 200 degrees then it should only take 5 minutes to cook on 400 degrees
Size does matter ... When ordering a pizza
I`m uncomfortable sharing my feelings with you but completely comfortable standing next to a complete stranger while urinating. - Guys.
Who ever invented the knock knock joke should get the no bell prize.
Sometimes all you need is a hug or someone to tell you everything will be ok, or some rough sex or whatever...
Anything is legal when there`s no police around