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Our #1 problem in this country is that nobody wants to take responsibility for anything ...but please don`t quote me!
When I was a kid, my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
Note to self... next time my wife asks what`s on tv, don`t say dust
If Apple made a car, would it have windows?
“Too much milk left need more cereal” always leads to “too much cereal need more milk”
I`ve been single so long now I don`t remember what it`s like for someone to be mad at me for something I didn`t even know it did!
The last time I saw something as ugly as your face I pinned a tail on it.
I`m one step away from being rich, all I need now is money.
Do you have to water a Pointsettia or do they die on their own?
Today I saw a cat with three legs, which was much better than finding the alternative, just a cat`s leg.
When someone says "everything happens for a reason" I`d like to smack them and say "yeah, I guess you`re right"
Your shirt might say UFC but your body says KFC
Scariest Moment: Flushing the toilet at someone else’s house, and seeing the water rise…
I automatically assume you`re fat if your Facebook picture is a car
Smelling another person should be a choice.