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Do you guys dance in the shower too? This morning I did the robot! (I short circuited and stared at the wall for 40 minutes, broken)
Is it true that the older you get the crazier you become? Or is that just me?
They say that nobody is perfect, then they say that practice makes perfect. I wish they`d make up their mind
If someone hates you for no apparent reason, give them one.
I’d like to hang out, but that would get in the way of me being home and doing absolutely nothing.
Do you ever just sit there and think “why am I not rich”?
You know what’s funny? Lot’s of sh!t. Loosen up already.
So bored at work I can`t even think of something to goggle
People who go rock climbing: you know you don`t have to, right
If my body is ever found dead on a jogging trail, just know I was murdered elsewhere and dumped there.
If you go to dinner alone always ask for a table for two. Look sad as you eat and you will almost always get a free dessert
Hey rumor has it, that if you look up from your phone you can see all kinds of pretty colors in the trees this time of year.
I`m perfect you adjust.
One night, as I as lying in bed, I looked up at the stars and thought to myself: "What the f#ck happened to the roof?"
Never do anything for money. Unless it’s a lot of money. Then do anything.