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My daughter just explained to me that these dinner postings were not real invites. I have to apologize to all my friends out there for showing up last week.
Kill them with kindness ..and then fart as you walk away
Yadot rorrim eht fo edis gnorw eht no pu ekow I. (I woke up on the wrong side of the mirror today.)
Yeah, you go ahead and climb that mountain "because it`s there", I am going to eat this Pizza "because it`s here"................................
It’s fun to pull someone’s leg… but don’t ever pull their finger.
Sixth in line to the throne takes on a different meaning when you’re not in the royal family but in a dive bar.
People who say "Don`t mix drugs with alcohol"" ... they`re stupid, right?
Given how enormous the universe is, I assume there’s an alien out there who does a mocking impression of me. Screw you, alien.
If you need some help at Home Depot and are being ignored, get on one of their step ladders.
Clearly skinny jeans are easier to obtain than skinny genes
Over half the contacts in my phone are named “Do Not Answer”
No. My hair magically got shorter.
Don’t get me wrong, you are hot as hell, I am just too lazy to stalk right now.
I guess the teachers went back to school. The bar was nearly empty this morning.
The real fountain of youth is to have a dirty mind and a naughty smile.