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I am trying my very best to get into the holiday spirit but I cant open the damn bottle.
I`m getting a mistletoe tramp stamp.
Life would be so much better if there were piñatas strategically placed throughout my day.
The awkward moment when you look both ways down a one way street.
Apparently “cheesecake & tacos” wasn’t the answer the interviewer was looking for when he asked me what my weaknesses are.
Like a glow stick, sometimes we have to break before we shine.
Twinkle twinkle little star, I want to hit you with my car.
My new girlfiend is taking forever to exist.
Those raccoons must of had one heck of a party last night!!!! That`s the 4th one I`ve seen passed out on this road
If a picture is worth a thousand words then why does everyone only buy Playboy magazines for the articles?
Pumpkin for sale! [slightly used]
You can always tell a lot about a woman the way she pours gasoline around your car.
Driving isn’t even in the top 5 things I’m thinking about when I’m driving.
I always found it a little counter productive when the teacher would say "Don`t get smart with me!"
One dog was admiring another dog`s leash, and said, "I admire your restraint."