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Life can be like Chess sometimes. I don`t know how to play Chess.
My Doctor says I`m a serious alcoholic, but I think I`m more of a funny alcoholic.
You`d think my boss would know me by now and stop asking me everyday if I`ve been drinking.
I`m starting to think all that stuff about Y2K is not going to happen !
Behind every successful student, there is a deactivated Facebook account.
A lot of talk from the peasants lately about my arrogance.
Cant imagine the look on Obamas face when he saw `Olympus Has Fallen`..His next quote would have been.."No more Taiwans in the secret Elevetor office"
This beer tastes like Iām going to text you later.
No one`s lazier than the guy who came up with the name for Juicy Juice.
I never wanted to grow up, I just wanted to be tall enough to reach the cookies.
I have discovered that theirs no popcorn in popcorn chicken. I guess there`s no point in bothering with hash browns then.
If I could have sex with anyone, living or dead, I would for sure pick living.
I`d totally order a salad bar. If it had lettuce, tomatoes, cheese, ketchup, mustard, hamburger and buns.
Step 1 Change your wifi password to blowmefirst. Step 2 Wait for someone to ask for your wifi password.
Ugh, I forgot to go to the gym today. That`s 9 years in a row now...