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What thinks the unthinkable? An itheberg.
Scientists uncovered the part of the male brain responsible for pissing off women. It’s next to the part that knows how much roses cost.
Marriage is like playing Monopoly. It starts out as fun, gets a little boring, then someone steals money from the bank and no one ever wins.
My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We`ll see about that.
Here`s to ignoring our real problems and getting outraged about something on the internet.
If no one comes from the future to stop you, than how bad of a decision can it really be.
I love arguing with you so much, I`ll bring a Ouija board to your funeral.
We all need that special person in our lives that makes it worth while to shave our pubes.
I do not argue, I explain why I’m right.
Apparently dyslexia is not a good excuse for driving 53 in a 35.
It doesn’t matter how many signs I put up around the office, HR said high five a co-worker in the face with a shovel day isn’t a thing.
I don`t use my cell phone in the car... I have to keep my hands free for making gestures.
There is no such things as ghosts. I know, I asked Santa Claus
Every photo taken inside my house has at least one laundry basket in the background.
To all the girls who think all guys are the same: Who told you to try them all? Whore.