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It`s a shame that stupidity can`t be converted into a usable energy source.
If the shampoo and conditioner in her shower are not the same brand GET THE F*CK OUT, SHE`S A MAN!
Never give up on your dreams, keep sleeping.
Theirye’re, problem solved.
The main thing I learned from watching my wife carve pumpkins is she’s really good at stabbing things. I should probably be nicer to her.
My superpower is getting behind the person who is obviously refinancing their mortgage at the ATM.
I left my phone at home all day today. Is the sky always blue like that?
When I think of a SELFIE, I`m not sure it`s the same thing you`re thinking of...
Gambling addiction hotlines would do so much better if every fifth caller was a winner.
I`d imagine the only thing worse then getting your period is not getting your period.
The longer I stay at home. The more homeless looking I look.
If a picture is worth a thousand words then why does everyone only buy Playboy magazines for the articles?
Pulling out a winter coat and going through the pockets to find out who I was 8 months ago.
Sometimes people don`t notice or appreciate the things we do for them, until we stop doing it. Then they are like, “Why don’t you stalk me anymore”
You can`t run from your problems. unless your fat.