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No matter how many lasagna’s you stack on top of each other, ultimately it’s always just one lasagna
If I could only use one word to describe myself, it would probably be: "not good at following directions".
That`s weird, all this time I thought the Birds and the Bees was a dance from the 50`s.
I bet there are muppets that have thought about shanking Elmo
The ceiling fan DOES NOT make a good lettuce shredder....
I don`t try to annoy people; its just a gift.
I am a very tolerant person until you think differently than me. Then I act like a spoiled little brat.
Nothing good has ever come from answering a call from a blocked phone number.
I wish you could Google anything. Like, "Where is my phone?" and it would be like, "It`s under the couch, dumba$$."
I couldn`t help but notice that I would like to have sex with you more frequently!
New College Admissions Test ______ not getting into this college: A. Your B. Ur C. You`re D. U`re
Stop complaining about being single!!, we have bigger problems here. Like why McDonalds don`t serve breakfast after 10:30 -.-
Don`t be ashamed of who you are. That`s your parents job.
My favorite thing to do on Facebook is to get in a long conversation with someone and then delete all my comments so they look crazy.
If people who shop at Walmart, “Save Money. Live Better.” Exactly how bad were these people living BEFORE Walmart?