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Whats the difference between a phone number & an opinion? People ask for your phone number.
People hate the truth. Luckily, the Truth doesn`t give a $#!t.
Flies only live for 24 hours.. Except for the ones that get in your house. Those bastads live forever.
If Candy Crush had a face, I`d punch it.
Sure, we can be friends. I get to be Chandler.
My dog’s ratio of digging holes in my yard to finding buried treasure is not where I’d like it to be.
Having kids is like being at a press conference: "No, you can`t put the dog in the washer - next question." "No, you can`t really fly -next"
I wonder if dogs ever wake up in the morning and think "dear god please don`t take me jogging with you today"?
I grew up living paycheck to paycheck. But through hard work and perseverance, I now live direct deposit to direct deposit.
Just got back from a job fair. Very disappointed. They didn`t have one damn ride.
I was asked what I would give the woman who has everything... Well, my phone number for a start.
Before I lose my phone, end up naked, drunk and/or possibly arrested, I would like to wish you all a Happy Independence Day.
I think people who use "go fly a kite" as an insult don`t really understand kites or insults.
Whenever someone says “I’m not book smart, but I’m street smart”, all I hear is “I know where you can buy drugs"
Fact: You wish Facebook had the middle finger button.