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Turtles do nothing and are slow as hell, yet they live for like 200 years. I`ll probably live forever.
The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider doing it.
One of the first things they tell you in AA is to stop hanging around alcoholics. So I listened, and never went back.
The bible says you can`t buy your way into heaven but there isn`t a church in the country that won`t encourage you to try.
Pizza: nah, Sex: eh, Drinking: no thanks, It`s so hard thinking of what to give up for Lent...
You`re so dumb you have to get naked to count to 21.
It is amazing how a nice pair of boobs can hide serious flaws and signs of mental illness until after you marry them!
I`m sorry I snort-laughed when you were saying your vows.
Accidentally missed the freeway exit for home, now I’m heading north to start a new life.
I feel like water solves all problems. Wanna lose weight? drink water .. clear face ? Drink water.. Tired of your better half? Drown them
I do my best proofreading after I hit `send`.
you have lips ….. i have lips …… interesting
A blind man walks into a bar....and a stool....and a table....
You washed your hands? Be honest. Your hands washed each other, and you just watched like a sick freak.
Irony is paying a therapist to listen to how you don’t like talking to other people.