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Workout Journal Day #5: Jogging with a stroller is great exercise! And hard work for whoever is pushing me.
Marriage (Possible side effects may include sadness, anger, sudden drop in finances, depression, sexual abstinence, and sobriety)
"Ho, Ho, Ho!" -Santa Claus/Pimp, doing a head count.
I learned how to kiss passionately by practicing on my hand, but now it just uses me for sex.
Times change When I was a kid, werewolves and vampires were very scary. Now everyone wants to have sex with them
People need to stop putting flyers on my car. I don`t want to see a band called "Parking Violation" at the "Courthouse."
Me: Mom…Dad. I’ve decided to live on my own from now on. Parents: Ok, cool. Me: Your luggage is outside.
Happiness is using an ATM and finding a receipt left by someone with an account balance lower than yours.
Put on my workout clothes before going to the donut store just to give the impression I earned this.
Describe myself in three words ... 1. Lazy
Since it started raining all my wife has done is look through the stupid window... If it gets any worse, I`ll have to let her in.
gets drunk on one drink. The trouble is, I can´t remember if it´s the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
I like when people call me "Sir". I just wish they wouldn`t follow it up with "you`re making a scene."
Nicknames are way more fun when people don’t know they have them.
Hey ladies! Great news! Those low riding, butt crack, hip hugger jeans are coming back in style!