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FITNESS TIP: Set a regular gym schedule that`s easy to keep up with. For example, I work out once every 4 years after I vote for president.
Happy President`s day all. Heading out to buy a new mattress.
According to physics heat makes matter expand.....therefore I don`t have a weight problem....I`m just hot
if its got tits you will get nothing but trouble !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"Why do you hate me"? I say as I attempt to hold my cat like a baby
Calling someone "stupid" is mean. Unless they actually are. Then it`s just a diagnosis.
Sorry, everyone, it looks like my Facebook account was hacked by tequila last night...
Bring a hedgehog into the library and frantically ask the clerks where they keep the reverse spell casting books.
I will stop loving you, when Spongebob gets his driving license.
If any of you ladies want pancakes for breakfast, just come over....you can make them here, because I want some too
Is Google a boy or a girl? Obviously it`s a girl because it won`t let you finish your sentence without suggesting other ideas
tell your boobs to stop staring at my eyes
I was driving thru Farmville and I had to pee ... so I pulled over and fertilized your crops
I secretly like days when none of my Facebook friends have birthdays.
My entire working knowledge of automotive repair is derived from the song "The Wheels on the Bus"