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Why do men fart more than women? Because women can`t shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
I’m the kind of girl that would eat Doritos on her wedding day & accidentally wipe her hands on her dress.
Lots of us suffer in silence. You should try it.
The recipe I am making says to chill for 30 minutes so I`m sitting back and having a margarita!
I`ll do whatever it takes to be the mistake you can`t live without
Any person can be nice to my face, but it takes a real friend to be nice behind my back.
loves poetry, long walks and poking dead things with a stick.
Celebrities on drugs, politicians having affairs, aliens living mail boxes....I love standing in the check out line, its better than the library....and it has food.
Though we made many advancements in society, sadly, pimpin’ STILL isn’t easy.
Just because I’m smiling, doesn’t mean I don’t want to hit you in the face.
Have you ever loved someone so much deep in your heart, you wanted to keep them hidden from the world and all to yourself? Well, apparently its called kidnapping.
I think people who use "go fly a kite" as an insult don`t really understand kites or insults.
Someone just asked me if I was `happily` married. Single people are adorable.
Whenever a wrong number calls me and hangs up I always call em back and tell them it was their loss because I`m really fun to talk to.
I told my kids to follow their hopes and dreams, as long as their hopes and dreams lead them out of my house when they`re 18.