Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
AA meetings would be better if AA stood for Alcohol Afterwards
My email notification is a cricket sound that drives the wife crazy looking for the cricket. Winning!
Chuck E. Cheese is just a casino for little kids.
sometimes when i`m lonely i`ll fill my bathtub with tomato sauce and pretend that i`m a meatball
My Chinese waiter put my food down in front of another white guy who looked nothing like me. I get it now.............Wait, That`s not my waiter!
Some will forget, the others are simply women.
I remember when the internet was two tin cans and a string.
Think of a number between 0 and 20. Add 40 to it. Multiply by 2. Subtract 3. Now close your eyes.... It`s dark isn`t it.
I look so young for my rage.
When I see a tire swing swaying gently in the breeze, I like to believe its daydreaming about life on the open road.
My New Years resolution is to be more assertive if that`s okay with you guys?
"Do you have a charger?" is the new "Could I bum a cigarette?"
I give great marriage advice if you want to be divorced.
The only thing worse than it raining after you wash your car is having to go poop after you get out of the shower.
Maybe I`m not stalking you, maybe I just like your schedule