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Some people wouldn`t understand irony if it beat them over the head with a helmet.
HardCoreStrategy 22 hours ago 6 3? Guys are? in a cafe. The first guy says "I?? have the smallest arm in the? world." The second guy says I have the?? smallest head in? the world." The third guy says I have the smallest d^ck in the world. They all? go to? the Guinness Book of World records. The? first? guy comes back and says I really? have the smallest arm in the world. The seconds guy? returns and? says? I have the smallest head in the world. The third guy comes back? and angrily?? says WHO? T
If it wasn’t for caffeine I wouldn’t be a functioning member of society.
I just had a moment of clarity. Glad that`s over with.
Technology is outpacing my ability to come up with convincing lies that I didn`t get your message.
Last night I got drunk and ate 3 tennis balls by mistake, f*ck you Pringle`s.
Okay im going to make myself a sandwich, and i better have some votes when i come back. -.-
Sorry, everyone, it looks like my Facebook account was hacked by tequila last night...
Warning: I just get weirder.
I opened a bottle of wine to let it breathe. It didn`t. So I gave it mouth to mouth.
I`ll take an ice cream sandwich please. You know what? I`m trying to be healthy, can you change that to an ice cream salad instead? Thanks
I`d care more about your feelings if they came with a toy and chicken nuggets.
Nothing embarrasses a psychic more that throwing them a surprise party.
My wife is driving me to drink. I hope she remembers to pick me up when I’m done.
Here`s where I draw the line: ___________________________.