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Jesus is coming.... look busy
Trail mix is just a reminder of how much better it would`ve been if I just ate a bag of M&M`s!
Either my cooking’s improved or my family’s immune systems have strengthened.
Just found out What the Braille on the drive-thru ATM actually says, "Move to the passenger seat"
Any hedge can be a maze if you are drunk enough.
A recent survey of one person reveals that 100% of me thinks I should leave work early.
Girls are funny creatures. They hate it when you ask their age but will kill you if you forget their birthday.
I know you`re supposed to have 3 balanced meals a day, but how many can I have at night?
I do what I want, when I want, where I want. If my wife says it`s okay.
So apparently there are two types of white towels in my house. Ones to dry off and ones to touch if you want your fingers broke.
You`re an intellectual who doesn`t read books? I completely understand because I`m an athlete that rarely moves.
Roses are red and sometimes they`re thorny, when I think of you, I get really ...............
Every time I see a pregnant woman, I very much want to ask if she swallowed a watermelon seed.
Chickens: The only animals you eat before they`re born AND after they`re dead.
Back in the day, Mom gave us two dinner choices. What she cooked or jack sh!t....