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"There`s nothing sexier than a chick that knows how to work on cars" -Dudes, trying to get us to do that job too.
Allow me to explain myself via a new communication method I like to call "Interpretive Napping"
I used to be a camera man in the porn industry but it became too hard...
Few things are creepier than someone saying "I know" after you introduce yourself.
What`s a burnt pizza, frozen beer, & a pregnant girl have in common? In each scenario, there`s a dumb guy who didn`t take it out in time.
"Why do you hate me"? I say as I attempt to hold my cat like a baby
I`m convinced some people got married just so they could gripe about being married...
I wonder what I did in a previous life to get reincarnated as me...
I just walked by an old man who kept saying, “One, three, five, seven, nine… one, three, five, seven, nine…” I thought, “How odd.”
Somebody told me I need adult supervision. I was like "I Know!" It would be awesome to be able to see through walls and shoot lasers out my eyes.
hearing that Jesus loves you is very nice unless you`re in a Mexican prison
Sometimes people come into your life and they need to stop doing that
Hockey: because running on knives makes sense.
It`s nice that my vacuum has a headlight just in case I want to clean in the dark or wake my dog up thinking he`s getting hit by a train.
One man`s LOL is another man`s WTF