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If I don`t `like` your post it`s because I don`t care...
Sorry that offended you, I really didn’t think you’d get it.
Sorry I said "You`ll Do" instead of "I Do" at our wedding.
I like to walk through the mall and hand out bags of Cheetos to all the kids I see wearing white clothes
They should put Prince on the $20 bill and call it $19.99... It`s "The bill formerly known as a twenty."
People ask me what my secret is to losing weight and I tell them not having money to buy food
I just read that burglars use Facebook to see when people aren’t home. So from now on, I’m at home. With a rifle. And a hungry crocodile.
Shout out to old people for graduating high school without Google.
Love is like a rubber band, we keep pulling, someone let’s it go, and it hurts the one who held on.
My dog can`t hear me yelling at him to stop chasing squirrels, but he can hear a damn cheese wrapper from 500 miles away
There may be two sides to every story, but you’re still a douche in both of them.
This bar doesn’t know it yet, but it’s about to be karaoke night.
“We don`t lick people!” - Lies adults tell kids
Gonna try out my new drinking game tonight... 1. Turn on the news. 2. Take a drink every time the word FERGUSON is said!
Is it just me, or did anyone else wake up on the SEXY side of the bed this morning?