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I made a p@nis out of Legos. A literal c*ck block.
They should have cell phone chargers in waiting rooms instead of magazines.
I didn’t give you the finger. You earned it.
I never thought I’d be the kind of person who’d wake up early in the morning to exercise... and I was right.
When I started out, I was young and idealistic, I wanted a Career and to make a difference in the World, but it turned out that I only wanted Paychecks........
The only thing I hate worse than holding a girl`s purse is when it doesn`t match what I`m wearing.
The zoo is a pretty safe place to fart.
I hate when I oversleep at work and get home late.
Who`s more foolish, a fool or the person who takes a fool`s advice?
I just heard someone say "I can`t wait for 13/13/13" .....let`s take a moment and pray for this dumbass
Never look directly at the people having a sizzling plate of fajitas delivered to their table... It’s what they want.
I doubt my inferiority complex is as good as everyone else`s
FOR SALE: P90X® home fitness kit, still in box, $50 or will trade for king size Snickers
They say money doesn`t bring you happiness.... I say....neither does being broke....
I`ve finally stopped drinking for good ... And I`ve started drinking for evil.