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Only 273 fruit roll-ups to go until I get my full serving of fruit...
Pandas are proof that if you have a cute enough outfit no one will call you fat.
The older the Facebook post, the creepier your “like” becomes.
Today, A 12 year-old came up to me and said "May I please have a cigarette?". I can`t believe kids this age are already so polite.
is easily distracted by shiny objects.
On a scale of one to crazy, how many cats do you have?
I`d like to have a kid but I`m not sure I`m ready to spend ten years of my life constantly asking someone where their shoes are.
My wife said if this gets 100 likes, we`ll try butt stuff........ * Please DON`T like,,, her strap-on is big and scary.....
Chess says everything about men and women. The King has to take things one step at a time, while the Queen can do whatever the hell she wants.
Chicken pot pie sounds like a great idea if you add commas.
Time to walk the cow and milk the dog, Happy Hump Day!
If you start smacking people with your wife`s purse she won`t ask you to hold it for her anymore
If it was not for electricity, we would all be watching T.V. by candle light.
Anyone knows when is Facebook sending us the W-2 forms
I purposely cry while cutting carrots so onions don`t think they`re ugly or something.