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Make somebody happy today... mind your own business!!!
The invention of the shovel must have been ground-breaking.
A Positive attitude may not solve all our problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort!
Why are there never any good side effects. Just once, I’d like to read a medication bottle that says “May Cause Multiple Orgasms”
I was in a bar when a girl called me a cheapskate. So I threw her drink in her face.
Watching MTV Cribs makes me feel better about downloading music off the internet.
I hate brushing my teeth at night. It signifies I can`t have any more food and I`m never ready for that kind of commitment
One man’s potato is another man’s vodka.
"I" before "E" except after "Old MacDonald had a farm"
Did you guys know that turning up the radio fixes almost all your car problems?! Crazy.
just want to point out that Cinderella is living proof that shoes can change your life!
Plan to be spontaneous - tomorrow.
If booze isn`t the answer, then your question sucks.
The only benefit of getting new clothes for Christmas is that I don`t have to do laundry for another week or two.
A 5 year old asked me what marriage is like. So I gave him a chocolate bar and told him not to eat it.