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I told my wife I wanted to be cremated. She made me an appointment for tomorrow afternoon.
Chili for breakfast. Cause I hate my Co-workers.
I hate people that take drugs, specially U.S. Customs and the D.E.A.
I was in NYC and a black guy asked me if the Yankees won to which I replied, "Yeah, man, you`re free."
Holidays, hotels and women. Three things that always look better online than in real life.
If you eat doughnuts fast enough your Fitbit thinks you`re walking.
If you tell me you`re giving something 110% then Iām assuming the extra 10% is your stupidity.
Found out the difference between onions and men. I don`t cry when I`m chopping up men.
When people say they work like a dog, I look at mine and think they must mean they just lay around all day and poop wherever they feel like.
Why is it called Boob Sweat and not Humiditties?
As far as distractions go ... I like to think I`m a good one.
New rule: advertisements can no longer use adjectives. I`ll decide what is "fresh" and "natural" and "like a real girl" thank you very much.
My blood hound was just attacked by a Crip hound.
The only reason any of us can spell laboratory is because of Dexter.
If you weren`t supposed to eat 15 Oreos in one sitting, they wouldn`t package them in rows of 15.