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We should do this β€œ3-day weekend” thing more often.
I`ve noticed more and more little kids with cell phones and social networks. What does a kindergartner have to tweet about? "I`m getting better at drawing in the lines!" #cantwaitforstorytime
The only dates I get are updates.
I`m sorry I snort-laughed when you were saying your vows.
All this time I thought PTA stood for Parents to Avoid
Enough with procrastination, it’s time for excuses.
I’m always impressed when I can stump auto-correct...
Sometimes I think "What would Dexter do"?
Shopping for bridesmaid dresses with 5 other women, today. If you never hear from me again, I committed suicide by nail file.
Guys are like bears, if you lay very still they’ll paw at you a bit then give up and go look for food.
I’m at the age where all my posts start with the phrase β€œI’m at the age where.”
Screw doing situps...teddy bears don`t and everyone loves them.
Girl: What color are my eyes? Guy: 34D.
Growing up we were so poor. If I wasn`t a boy I would have had nothing to play with.
Friday Night Inspirational Message: You miss 100% of the shots you don`t drink.