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They say love is in every corner... my life must be a f*cking circle!
Another beautiful morning I wish I was sleeping through.
I don`t always agree with everything I say. :)
If you live by the sword, I guess that is pretty cool. I live by some trees and shit.
Do you ever get up in the morning and look in the mirror and say, "that can`t be right"?
When my dog sniffs another dog`s poop I can only assume that it`s their equivalent to checking a friend`s facebook page.
I had to go on two diets because one wasn`t giving me enough food.
The invention of the shovel was groundbreaking!
"What`s wrong?" "Oh it`s personal" Then, why`d you post it to Facebook.
According to new research, too much sex can cause memory loss. Finally, something that explains my ultra detailed photographic memory.
Why does it have to be bacon OR sausage?
I find if you sprinkle some bacon bits on a salad, but don’t actually add any salad, then its a pretty good salad.
Never go to bed angry. Stay awake and plot revenge.
Facebook should have an "I`ve seen enough" button.
Apparently, driving past police cars while drinking water from an old vodka bottle isn`t `funny` and is technically `wasting` police time