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If Facebook was school I swear we would all have perfect attendance.
Eventually I will find Bigfoot and he will tell me all he knows about Hide & Seek.
Damn it. I missed the number of the day on Sesame Street and now I don`t know how many pills to take.
Ideal roommate: Someone not smart enough to know they are paying 80% of the rent.
I`d try Taco Bell`s breakfast but I don`t start drinking that early.
When God closes a door, it usually has my fingers in it.
If I share my food with you, its either because I love you a lot, or because it fell on the floor and I don`t want it.
They say when life gives you lemons….but what if life hands you a rather large banana? What then, my friend? What then?
A new study has found that women find it seven times easier to read men’s facial expressions than men have reading women’s. That’s mostly because we’re not looking at their faces ...
If you`re going to be stupid, don`t do it on Facebook.
75% of my current net worth is in gift cards.
You could completely eliminate the semicolon key and 90% of people wouldn`t notice... until they needed to wink at somebody.
i make the other half of the Oreo watch.
Well, it`s almost the end of the year. No point in trying to become a good person this late in the game.
I wouldn`t consider myself someone that litters but I do turn on my windshield wipers while im driving down the road to get rid of that useless flyer some idiot put on my car when I quickly run into the store.