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When I say “the other day” I could mean yesterday or 5 years ago there’s no in between.
Was building a website for women drivers ... Bloody thing kept crashing.
Maybe cologne should come with a two sprays a day lock on it.
Sugar` is the only word in English that starts with `su` and sounds like `sh`. I`m sure of it.
All I`m saying is why blame it on being lazy when you can blame it on being old?
I hate when my friends stand so close to me when pictures are being taken. It`s like they don`t know I plan on cropping them out later.
My dog reminds me of my ex. She doesn`t pull her weight financially and she`s scared of the vacuum.
How do they fit all that money inside such a tiny credit card??
Just saw a cop that had a U-Haul pulled over on the side of the road. Obviously he was trying to bust a move.
My relationship with whiskey has been on the rocks lately
I’m pretty good at keeping my sh!t together. Until there’s a bee around.
When your boss says "You need help", he never means a hitman.
This movie has "adult content"? So, they`re gonna complain about back pains and setting up a 401k?
It should really be called teethpaste.
Remember, life isn`t about accumulating stuff. It`s about making people insanely jealous of your stuff.