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I just saw a hot mom at McDonalds spank her kid after he threw his fries on the ground, so I threw my fries on the ground too.
After listening to what some people have to say, I am rethinking the importance this whole freedom of speech thing.
There’s nothing better than a nap after a good nights sleep.
What can I do today that is only going to happen once in a blue moon?
My Viagra addiction was the hardest time of my life.
People should seriously stop expecting normal from me...We all know it`s never gonna happen
I`m so broke right now that if someone tried to rob me, they`d just be practising..
My wife told me: "Sex is better on vacation." That wasn`t a very nice postcard to receive.
When someone tells you they are getting a divorce, a high five is not the right answer. Or so I`ve been told, twice now.
Been there, done that. allegedly
Having a bad day? Imagine a T-Rex trying to masturbate. you`re welcome.
I’m jealous of a book character for having sex with another character but sure come ask my advice about your marriage.
Procrastination: when "make a bucket list" is on your bucket list.
Success is like a fart. It only bothers people when it`s not their own.
Hoping to get "till death do us part" reduced to a 15 year sentence and time served.